Friday, December 30, 2005

House Cleaning...

I once read that the average bowel produces about 10 tons of mucous in it's lifetime. The advert went on to say, "Imagine never cleaning your house, the accumulated waste would soon begin to compromise both you and your family's health..." and so on. It was an advert for colonic irrigation. I've never really likened by bowel to my house and i am not convinced on the logic, after all - reindeer seem to get by perfectly well without colonics, and so do penguins.

But, this is the detox adventure and as i already have my DIY colonic kit from Ebay and it would be a shame not to make use of it. For solution, i used luke-warm coffee. I really don't care to think who it was, or why it was, that someone came up with coffee as the ideal solution to squirt up their bottom, but for some reason coffee supposedly has a "natural cleansing action on the bowel and liver" when delivered directly to the colon. Trust me on this, i read it on the internut. Type "coffee enema" into google and you get over 97000 websites dedicated to the subject.

With Official Housemate safely out of the house, the litre solution was duely squirted "skywards" via the interesting tubular arrangement and a not too unpleasant "whooshing" sensation did occur. (I did discover quite by accident that if you angle the tube just right, the whooshing sensation occurs right over the prostate which does carry with it a strange and curious arousing effect). With one litre of weak coffee sloshing around inside me, i thought i`d perform a bit of abdominal massage to help move things around a bit. This went well for about 30 seconds before i was hit with the most incredibly strong and deep pain that immediately conjured thoughts of ruptured bowels, gross humiliation in the casualty department closely followed by a rapid and messy death.

Expulsion was rapid, fluid mostly, bringing with it immense relief from the incredible pain, but producing remarkably little "brown matter." I haven't felt any less toxic, but one strange thing - today everything seems to smell of coffee.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just tell me you don't work in Starbucks...


Mike the frog

12:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just tell me you don't work in Starbucks...


Mike the frog

12:36 AM  
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