Saturday, May 20, 2006

Green Tongue and Bright Pink Faces

Despite a late night, I was awake at 430am today. On awakening I wondered if the central heating thermostat was broken - I was roasting.

The bright pink face that looked back at me from the bathroom mirror suggested I had a temperature. After a weeklong headache, the headache has finally cleared and I’m bright pink. Ok, all very interesting, but here’s the weird thing – my tongue is bright green and all furry.

I’ve been used to my camel-clumps white tongue for some time now, but bright green? Snot green at that!

So, at about 5am and fully armed with a nice big cup of tea and digestive biscuit, I Googled “Green Tongue” – here is what I learned…

“Green Tongue” is a clothing brand.

“Your tongue is the color of spring, all cool and friendly-like. Believe me, it's not so easy having your tongue this color. You feel more attuned to the natural world, as well as slightly sick from eating so much corn syrup.”

The Ayurveda Institute advise: “A discoloration and /or sensitivity of a particular area of the tongue indicates a disorder in the organ corresponding to that area. A whitish tongue indicates a kapha derangement and mucus accumulation; a red or yellow-green tongue indicates a pitta derangement; and a black to brown coloration indicates a vata derangement. A dehydrated tongue is symptomatic of a decrease in the rasa dhatu (plasma), while a pale tongue indicates a decrease in the rakta dhatu (red blood cells).”

The Sacred Lotus (TCM) site advises:

· A green tongue body usually indicates Excess Yin Cold or the presence of a strong Excess evil with weak Zheng Qi. The Yang is not properly moving Blood and Fluids and there is Stagnation in the body.
· Internal Wind may also present with a green tongue body

So, I'm stagnant. All very well and good, but dissatisfied with these results, I Googled “green tongue” on Google image search. Click this: http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=green%20tongue&hl=en&lr=&sa=N&tab=wi

It gets worse. I don't know why, but I typed "passport" into Google images search. Faster than you can splutter "identity theft" you find 306,000 happy google returns of passport scans.

Brilliant!

I then found this: http://makeashorterlink.com/?Q27A5233D

It is a soap for smelly dogs.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Moondial said...

Hey!

I've also had green-tognue syndrome for ages - all kinds of rubbish comes up!

Yours is the only one that actually sounds like English to me.

Some site are saying - free health questionairre and then asking you for money when you needed your results (very cheeky).

Like the green tongue images.

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Moondial said...

Hey!

Found something useful for green/yellow tongue syndrome:

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0NAH/is_7_32/ai_91563256

Hope this helps people in the future.

10:38 AM  

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